Drugs and Exhaustion

Looking up from my laptop the room swam before my eyes. I felt like my head and the pain inside had somehow distanced itself from the rest of my body. Then I panicked, I had a funeral to lead in a few hours!

This space cadet moment resulted from me trying to deal with post surgery misery.

Surprising exhaustion

In the days since my sclarel buckle eye surgery exhaustion has surprised me. I feel like the rest of my body shouldn’t feel like I’ve run a marathon. That said, I did go through a 3 hour surgery last Thursday!

In truth, I’ve struggled with feeling tired all day since Surgery. I sit around most of the day and sleep close to 10 hours a night.

I have one solution to exhaustion annoyance. I just find a mirror and stare at my Sith lord eyeball. Deep in the bloody mess of the eyeball I see the scale of the healing work left. It helps me to cut me some slack.

Annoying aches

You’d think with a circle of plastic sewed to my eyeball I’d feel more pain! In reality my eye only hurts with a dull ache. Sometimes the eye hurts when I move it suddenly but less every day.

Headaches mark the more annoying part of recovery. Instead of a sharp pain I can bat down, headaches lurk more quietly. When I try to study much I get a headache. Around 5am daily I get a headache. When I play with my daughters, I get an headache. My surgery eye reminds me of its’ presence with headaches.

The Monday morning disaster

I woke Monday determined to prepare well for the funeral at 1:30. My body woke determined to stay exhausted and remind me I had surgery. After going through the motions of breakfast, coffee, and after breakfast nap, I realized I needed help.

So I got out my prescribed hydrocodone. For some reason I hoped it would clear my mind and get rid of the headache. I took the pill and drove to Starbucks to finish writing out everything I would say at the funeral.

The room started swimming just as I finished writing the last prayer. Something between my exhaustion, the coffee, and my surgery turned me loopy. So I slapped myself focused and very slowly drove the half mile home.

Home I scrambled (in slow motion) to call a friend to figure out how to shake the fog. I found out that by eating lots of protein and drinking lots of water I could flush my system. So I sprawled in a chair and did just that.

Concerned for the funeral I called a retired pastor friend. With slurred speech I asked him to attend a strangers funeral with me just in case I needed him. I also needed a driver for myself. He gracefully obligated.

Thankfully well before the funeral started I managed to clear my head and respectfully care for the family.

No more hydrocodone for me

Despite the remaining pills in a bottle I really don’t plan to take any more hydrocodone. It didn’t fix my headache pains, it just distanced me mentally from them. I really don’t know why I reacted so strongly to an apparently low dose of Hydrocodone. Perhaps the coffee or my exhaustion just made me especially loopy.

Conclusion

Surgery recovery humbles me. I have more exhaustion than I know what to do with. Pains chase me and the solutions to them cause more problems. I trust God with my today. That means, I try throughout the day to turn to Him for healing and for wisdom. I surrender what stands beyond my control (a lot) and trust in His goodness.  

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