Drugs and Exhaustion

As I looked up from my laptop, the room swam before my eyes. I felt like my head, and the pain inside had somehow distanced itself from the rest of my body. Then I panicked, I had a funeral to lead in a few hours!

This space cadet moment resulted from me trying to deal with post-surgery misery.

Surprising exhaustion

Exhaustion has kept me company since my surgery. I feel like the rest of my body shouldn’t feel like I’ve run a marathon. That said, I did go through a 3-hour surgery last Thursday!

In truth, I’ve struggled with feeling tired all day since Surgery. I sit around most of the day and sleep close to 10 hours a night.

I have one solution to exhaustion annoyance. I find a mirror and stare at my Sith lord eyeball. Deep in the bloody mess of the eyeball, I see the scale of the healing work left. It helps me to cut me some slack.

Annoying aches

You’d think with a circle of plastic sewed onto my eyeball I’d feel more pain! In reality, my eye only hurts with a dull ache. Sometimes the eye hurts when I move it suddenly but less every day.

Headaches mark the more annoying part of recovery. Instead of sharp pain, I can bat down. Headaches lurk more quietly. When I try to study much, I get a headache. Around 5 am daily. I get a headache. When I play with my daughters, I get a headache. My surgery eye reminds me of its’ presence with headaches.

The Monday morning disaster

I woke Monday determined to prepare well for the funeral at 1:30. My body woke determined to stay exhausted and remind me I had surgery. After going through the motions of breakfast, coffee, and after breakfast nap, I realized I needed help.

So I got out my prescribed hydrocodone. For some reason, I hoped it would clear my mind and get rid of the headache. I took the pill and drove to Starbucks to finish writing out everything I would say at the funeral.

The room started swimming just as I finished writing the last prayer. Something between my exhaustion, the coffee, and my surgery turned me loopy. So I slapped myself focused and very slowly drove the half-mile home.

Home I scrambled (in slow motion) to call a friend to figure out how to shake the fog. I found out that by eating lots of protein and drinking lots of water, I could flush my system. So I sprawled in a chair and did just that.

Concerned for the funeral, I called a retired pastor friend. With slurred speech, I asked him to attend a strangers funeral with me just in case I needed him. I also needed a driver for myself. He gracefully obligated.

Thankfully well before the funeral started, I managed to clear my head and respectfully care for the family.

No more hydrocodone for me

Despite the remaining pills in a bottle, I don’t plan to take any more hydrocodone. It didn’t fix my headache pains. It just distanced me mentally from them. I don’t know why I reacted so strongly to a low dose of Hydrocodone. Perhaps the coffee or my exhaustion just made me especially loopy.

Conclusion

Surgery recovery humbles me. I have more exhaustion than I know how to handle it. Pains chase me, and the solutions to them cause more problems. I trust God with my today. That means I try throughout the day to turn to Him for healing and wisdom. I surrender what stands beyond my control (a lot) and trust in His goodness.  

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